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I’m sure that there are people reading this on both sides of the co-sleep debate. Some of you will be appalled to know that I let my kids sleep in my bed with me occasionally. Others of you will be scandalized to learn that I put my tiny babies in a regular size crib in another room of my house. Dastardly either way, I know.
What side of the co-sleep issue do I support? Neither. I’m definitely a mugwump when it comes to this issue. My mug is on one side of the fence, and my wump is on the other.
I can honestly say that I see good and bad in both ways. I would advise you to do what works best for you and your husband. I definitely think you should talk about it with your man before you bring home that red-faced, howling infant who is the most adorable thing on this earth.
My first baby was rough on me; physically, mentally, emotionally, every -lly you can think of. [An almost 11 pound baby born naturally of a 5'1" petite woman is not a pretty first delivery.] Because my son was so big it was a while until he went for more than 4 hours without being nursed. It seemed like forever at the time. I didn’t use bottles, so there was no question about who had to get up in the night.
My husband knew that I wanted to have our baby sleep in the crib when possible. He also knew that I was bone-weary and was totally supportive of those times when I just had to crash in my bed with my son. Sometimes he would even sleep with the baby and let me have some time! He did that with every baby. When I was frazzled and frantic my babies would pick up on my bad vibes. My husband would be calm and they would fall asleep together. Warning: Seeing your man and your baby sleeping together can make your heart skip a beat, your head say “aww”, and your eyes tear up.
Then came a time period when the baby was always in the crib to sleep. The monitor was usually on even though the door to the baby’s room is 4 feet from the door to my room. What can I say? I liked to hear every snort, sneeze, and hiccup.
Next came the transfer to a bed that the child could get out of. That meant more times of getting up in the night. Each one would sneak into my bed. My firstborn would hold my hand and sleep. My second born would cuddle up against my side or back. My third born lays on top of me. Oomph.
They never spent the whole night in my bed. I took them back to their bed or pushed my husband out of bed to take them back. I do try to be courteous of his work schedule, most of the time…
I enjoy sleeping with them to a point. I don’t sleep as well when they are with me. I do like the feel and smell of them, especially if it’s a cold night. I don’t like when they come to my bed and get sick. I do like their hugs and kisses waking me up.
Either way, the time passes. Once they sleep all night in their big kid bed the co-sleeping for us is basically over. The lure of the toys is stronger in the early morning than the lure of Mommy’s bed.
How about you? Are you for or against co-sleeping? Please be nice and polite. I’m not asking for a debate, just for what you do/did.
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on Mar 31st, 2008 at 8:42 pm
I personally will go for/have done cosleeping in the first couple weeks after birth… you know, where you’re dog tired and that crazy… er, I mean, adorable… baby will not sleep for more than a hour without wailing. After that, it’s to their own room.
For me, it’s not an issue of right or wrong. It’s just what works for me. I can’t sleep when I hear every breath and sigh. And a tired, exhausted me makes a horrible wife and mother.
Another reason is that we have a water bed and it’s easy for the baby to roll down our “hills” and get it’s little head squashed under us.
But I guess the main reason is that I HIGHLY value those quiet moments in bed together before my husband zooms off to dreamland. It’s my favorite part of everyday. And I guess I’m selfish, because I’m not willing to share it, even with a tiny infant.
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on Mar 31st, 2008 at 10:08 pm
I never planned to co-sleep. I planned to have my babies sleeping through the night at 6 weeks. (Oh, the delusions!) But, my firstborn came home with what we later discovered to be reflux, and later still, celiac disease, and he only slept when being held, or at least being very close by (as in, the bassinet didn’t cut it.) Thus the trend began. So do I let the tiny babies scream, and/or wake up frequently, or do I put them in bed with me and immediately and ever after, get four- five straight hours of sleep (usually) and never pace the floors at night. This, for me, was a no-brainer. They did transition to the crib they napped in during the day, with little trouble beginning around four months (it was harder on me than on them), but they also woke to nurse pretty much every night until they were weaned, usually spending the rest of the night with me, because I wasn’t staying awake until they were done, just to put them back in their crib. So, I know that different things work for different people, but I could never do the cry-it-out thing. I always ended up crying too anytime I tried that.
They still crawl in bed with me sometimes - it gets really interesting on the, thankfully, rare, nights when they all decide to do this at the same time, but usually, I just move over. Because they’re only little once.
on Apr 1st, 2008 at 7:43 am
As of this point, there has been no co-sleeping with infants. I just can’t sleep with them in the room and neither can my DH. We hear every little noise, snuffle, whimper they make and it keeps us up. We have kept babies in the room closest to us to so we hear when the baby is crying but not all the little extras they make. Now, when the kids get older and can climb out of bed themselves, they each have spent some time in our bed. With two of the younger children this actually became a problem and the DH put his foot down and said no more. Now, if a child comes in, they are directed to get a pillow and blanket and pull up a piece of floor. This makes better sleeping for the DH and I and if the kids complain we gently remind them that we provide a perfectly good bed for them in their own room. I don’t think co-sleeping is an issue of right vs. wrong. I think it is a matter of what works for you.
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on Apr 1st, 2008 at 8:30 am
Our oldest daughter slept with us more then I had originally wanted her to. It wasn’t an every night thing but it was several times a week. We lived in a one bedroom apartment at the time so her crib was in our room anyway. We heard every little peep she made. She was quieter when she slept with us so that’s what we did. This only lasted for a few months and then it was back to the crib for her. Our son slept through the night (10 hours) around 2 months old. I was always well rested so I didn’t feel the need to co-sleep with him. When he was waking up to nurse during the night, he was always done so fast that I just put him back in his crib. Our youngest is currently 6 months old. She usually wakes up once during the night to nurse. I usually end up falling asleep and waking up an hour later to put her back in her crib. lol When DH is gone the 3.5 year old always sleeps in my bed. I don’t mind as long as DH isn’t there.
on Apr 1st, 2008 at 10:43 am
I think I am just like you. I have done both. With my youngest I was nursing so I couldn’t have hubby get up for me! So many times he stayed in bed with me. I do not sleep well with kids in my bed so I did it as little as possible! My older kids do not get into bed with me - by they time they get out of bed they are wide awake so there is not going back to sleep and they generally do not get up in the middle of the night!! Praise the Lord for that one!! — Just as a side note I think I will let you in on a little secret!! in about 9 months I will be doing this all over again!!!! Don’t tell anyone yet -as of noon today Randy does not know yet - not till after 4pm - I will tell everyone else after he knows!
on Apr 3rd, 2008 at 1:21 pm
It happened that, when my son was 3 1/2 was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes, that I felt safer having him sleep with us, for my peace of mind, just in case his bloodsugars would drop in the middle of the night. And he slept with us for a little over a year and then on and off for the next year after that. My husband was very understanding of my feelings, and my son has been sleeping in his own room now for almost two years, and he’ll be eight in July.
My other girls, the oldest when her dad was gone, I’d let her crawl up and snuggle with me. My middle child and the baby ( I nursed her, mostly in a very comfortable rocking chair), we had sleeping very good in their beds, but everyonce in awhile we’ll end up with ALL of them or one of them in our bed everyonce in a while. I agree, that they are young only once, and it seems like they need to know we are there, whenever they want to get close and snuggle.
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on Sep 15th, 2008 at 11:19 am
I co-slept most of the time but also kept a crib next to the bed. It was an arrangement that worked really well for us - at naptime she could sleep in the crib, with no worries about safety, at night she usually slept with me (that was I was able to nurse her and keep sleeping at the same time LOL), but I would put her in the crib when I didn’t want to worry about her sleeping in the bed.
Like some others here, co-sleeping was more about practicality than about morals - the arrangement just worked out really well for us.
I’m not sure I’d be able to put my baby in another room though - I’m too much of a worrywart!